I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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