I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
