You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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