I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
