Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
