I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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