dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
