That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
