____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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