Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
