You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
