That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
