she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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