can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
