I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
