i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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