If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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