I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
