YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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