I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
