i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
