I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
