I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
