sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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