He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
