oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
