On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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