Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
