margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
