I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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