shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
