btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
