i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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