Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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