I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
