if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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