I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize