I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
barbara walters just said penis...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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