so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You need a sexual gate keeper
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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