I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
