I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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