i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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