Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
