Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
