mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
