It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
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He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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