So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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