Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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