Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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