i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
