Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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