She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
