We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
