maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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