i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
