he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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