I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
