my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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