I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
True strength comes from lack of pants
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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