she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I need water and some morals
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
