You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
