i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
