Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
do nipples grow back?
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