i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
