At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
