we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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